I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
