can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
