I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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