Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize