Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
