break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
