I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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