atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
