You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
