is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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