He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
