But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
