Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
