It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
