I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
