dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm passing your future prison.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
