I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
