No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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