Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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