I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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