used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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