Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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