got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
