Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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