also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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