After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
