I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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