Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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