That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
