i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
