I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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