dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
