one two three fourrrrnication!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
