honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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