is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
