i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
