Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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