So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
