I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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