I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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