Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Damn victory sex feels great
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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