I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
