how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
