Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(571): View more from Virginia

the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.

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(913): View more from Kansas

girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class

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(206): View more from Washington

This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate

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(613): View more from Ontario

Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.

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(254): View more from Texas

The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.

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(719): View more from Colorado

the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.

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(630): View more from Illinois

How much did you drink?

(708): View more from Illinois

Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea

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(309): View more from Illinois

I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.

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