I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
