Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
