Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
