We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
