It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
