I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
