my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
