He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
