She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
