I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
