dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
