you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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